Reflecting on the past 24 years

Birthday letter from mum

Exactly 24 years ago, I came into existence. I still don’t know if I’m living in the Matrix or if all this is some sort of scientific experiment on my consciousness by some hidden higher power but it sure seems pretty real to me.

When I was a kid, I was heavily influenced by video games and cartoon shows like Dragonball Z and eventually my dream was to become someone great and achieve great things in life.

Then at 13, I got into Canoeing and spent the next 9 years (minus 2 from National Service) heavily involved in this sport. The goal was to represent my country internationally and be recognized in an event like the Olympics. I knew I wasn’t talented or genetically gifted but I also knew the value of hard work and sheer determination. So I worked hard; too hard.

I pushed by body to it limits in every training and even when I knew I was burning out, I continued pushing. Eventually I ran my body into the ground and suffered injury after injury. The trauma of the accumulated injuries then led to my immune system thinking it was under attack by my own body. As a result, it attacked back in the form of an autoimmune disorder manifesting in chronic systemic inflammation that pooled at various joints in my body, slowly and painfully degenerating them.

The last 2 years of my life have been the worst years of my life. Filled with much pain, depression and disappointment. 2016 was no different. It started with a flare up of inflammation and more injuries. Today I rely on a host of medications like painkillers just to be able to walk. I felt like I had not lived up to the name of this blog as I had vowed never to get injured again, hence I stopped blogging for awhile.

On the brighter side, I now realize how much certain people in my life care for me, especially my family. Furthermore, through all this suffering I think I may have found my passion and purpose in life. I am starting to realize that there are millions of people out there suffering as much or more than I am because of some health issue or another. I hope to be able to help in anyway I can.

A good friend once said, “Life is too short for regrets.” I have made many mistakes and bad decisions in my life. Mourning over them is useless. I can only burn these hard life lessons into my memory and use them to make wiser decisions in the future. In the meantime, I hope that documenting my experiences and journey back to health can help others do the same. After my exams end, I shall commit to writing at least one blog post a day based on my research and experiences.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

Pablo  Picasso

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